1 year later ~

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Good evening all ~ It’s been a very long time since my last post…

I honestly almost forgot that I had a blog until today. I can’t stress how much has changed. The amount of people I’ve lost contact with and the few that I’ve gotten close to recently.

Why this picture?

It’s the realest and most relaxed I’ve been.. happy even (after the twist and turn of events).  This was the beginning of something different.

I started school again for LVN to hopefully bridge to RN. We shall see… I want to finish what I started and not doubt myself anymore.

At first, I was just visiting the school to inquire, but I ended up applying for the summer term. No more waiting around. So what did I do for those few months while waiting?

I filled out an application for a passport and left the country with a good friend of mine, whom I’m confused about at the moment..

Some time around March, we went to Mexico – Tijuana, La Bufadora, and Ensenada. It was not what I expected at all. I never imagined going to Mexico, after all the things my parents warned me about; trying to get me to change my mind about going. But I was curious… it’s a beautiful place.

In April, we made a spontaneous trip over to Vegas. I figured.. he should experience Vegas in his 20s at least once!

I met a lot of his family members in May when we went to San Felipe in Mexico. That was the most fun I’ve had in such a long time. Unforgettable.

June came too fast. Here I am in my second term and doing well so far. Two more terms to go then I get to take the NCLEX!

Working at my same job full time and school full time is tough… At times I feel like caving, but I keep reminders for myself so I don’t cave again.

I don’t have the same stress as  I did a few years ago…

Pray for me~

 

Half of 2014 [Updates]

I’ve been gone for almost half a year on WP! Good Morning/Evening to whoever~

 

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A lot of people have come-and-gone these past few months. From coworkers to friends, they were great company, but we’ve all moved on for certain reasons. I haven’t withdrawn from old friends and it’s not that I’ve completely changed my lifestyle; I really haven’t. These days, I’ve just been craving for rest. 

I still love nightlife, venturing out to do anything and everything at night. I still love writing and I write a few things every once in a while, but privately, in journals. I still love learning languages. In January, I held off on my Korean for a bit to focus on work, but somewhere around April, I couldn’t take it (not learning) so I started off again; a lot better this time. Being outdoors, wandering, relaxing at the park, hiking, etc. Everything I’ve always loved is still there, but… there’s just not enough time in a day.

Work consists of dealing with a lot of people M-F. I’d say roughly a little less than 100 people a day, that’s a lot. Who knew that could be tiring? 

I’m in dire need of a deep tissue massage~

Off to work again. I may update tonight, tomorrow, in a few months? We’ll see…

New Chapter or just a Revamped Version?

Question to start off the year (I’ll admit, it’s not a positive one… I came home from work totally drained of energy and pissed off)

There have been several changes since my last post that I’ll be experiencing for the rest of this year and onward (I hope)

  1. Started off Dec ’13 by working at my new job. (Remember the interview? Well, I got hired !)
  2. Gained an interest (or two). Totally unexpected, but that’s too personal to share.
  3. Became comfortable working with needles
  4. Learned a new language (still learning…) so I have to hold off on my Korean for a while so I don’t get confused.
  5. Started caring about fitness all over again (benefits of working in a healthcare environment.
  6. Vanity (Yes… I started caring about my appearance more… that’s because it’s a requirement at work)

After working at this site, I realized that even though it’s not my main interest, I don’t mind the environment at all. The company that surrounds you is what usually influences you to make certain actions or change some ideas. It’s only been a month and I hit it off with a lot of my coworkers. I’ve never been surrounded by so many coworkers with awesome personalities before.

In just these few short weeks, so much has happened… 

The big change that I kept talking about before… maybe this is just the start of it.

Who really knows?

This is a year of great opportunities and change. 

 

Selfless Holidays

It’s like I disappeared from the tech life altogether.

Okay… partially lying…

I’ve been lurking, but haven’t posted much, which is a miracle for me. I’ve actually been sleeping more; the after effect of working again.

I did some online shopping earlier this morning. No regrets because none of it is for me.

For such a long time, I haven’t given much to anyone because I never had enough. This time, I have a long list of people I want to give back to; a long list of people that deserve a treat for tolerating me for so long ♡

An Unfading Commitment

I’ve given a lot of thought into what kind of tattoo I would get for such a long time.

6cac1b6ab75e835f51cf639ac39fc32dI was looking through some folders in my laptop when I came across one titled, ‘When you’re ready…

I’ve been collecting pictures off of various websites that I found appealing to me. I don’t want to get a tattoo simply because of how pretty it would look or a really great phrase that has absolutely no value to me.

Of course, once it’s done, you can’t change it. It’s permanent. Total understatement of the century. It’s a commitment that you’ll have to hold onto forever unless you decide to remove it. It’s painful to get as it to remove, so I’ve heard.

I thought of getting a dandelion, not on my wrist as shown in the picture. I’m not certain about the placement, but I also thought of having the words, ‘Joie de vivre’ along the side of it.

There’s nothing complicated or fancy about it, but I assure you, it means a lot for me.

Dandelions have many meanings to it. I used to come across these adorning the front yard of our old house. I was told to never touch it, but I was young so… I did. I didn’t see anything wrong with picking one, blowing the little weed in fascination when the little puff of white swept away in the breeze.

I was told that if you make a wish, it would come true. I was a true believer of these petty things. I was 6 years old and very gullible. Simple things were fascinating; anything related to a dream or wish was.

‘Joie de vivre’ came along as I grew older, when I was recovering through tough times.

The joy in life is to live your dream and let it lead you where it may.

—————-

Picture: http://www.pinterest.com/mamab74/

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/01/prompt-tattoo/

Crave for Cozy

I love cozy; I’m in dire need of it. I can’t stress that enough especially because of the course of events I’ve experienced this year.

Luxury doesn’t have to be expensive. I’m blessed to have everything I need to live. These ‘things’ that I say I want, can wait… I don’t need them. Not now.

c490f9fdb421d90852ff5fcffb258383 I was not born into a rich family. I never got to experience that kind of luxury. I actually consider comfort a luxury. Why?

It’s 6AM in the morning, the time I wake up almost every single day. (I have a tendency to wake up before the sun rises) After shutting off my alarm, I usually wait for another 5 minutes before peeling the covers off to get up. Before I make my way down the top bunk, I sit up-top, overlooking the tiny bedroom I’ve lived in since elementary school. It’s been a very long time.

I always start my day with a coffee and check my email before heading out to run my errands, go to class, or work.

I’m busy all the time. I’m not sure if it’s just the amount of things I think about or the amount of things I do throughout day. Either way, I’m constantly engaged in something. My day comes to a close around sundown. By this time, I’m beat.

If it’s not the noise of living in the city, it’s the running or fast-pace walking I’m used to. This year it was rare for me to leisurely walk through the malls or the beach. I’m always in a rush, moving from place-place. ‘I’m running out of time!’ It’s a reminder I warn myself, usually around lunch time. Why do I do this? I don’t know. A lot has changed since the beginning of this year. I’m hardly at ease.

It totals up to 12 hours of being awake, whether I’m here at home or not.

The tension dissipates when the city gets quiet, when my neighbors stop yelling, when the kids go indoors…

I don’t sleep right away when I get here. I either eat or become totally engrossed with my laptop to catch up on news or replenish my energy with upbeat music, as if I need it.

I’m a night owl. I’m used to functioning well in these hours. I just can’t fall asleep no matter how tired I am. As of right now, it’s 1230AM of Sunday! I lost track of time again.

I finally figured out why… it’s simple and clear.

I’m not comfortable. I’ve never been. I’m awake during the day because I have to, but I’m always drowsy. At night, my energy picks up, but not as much.

It’s the bed I come home to, to unwind and take a breather, from this lifestyle… It’s all worn out. I sink into some areas of it, embracing me uncomfortably. It’s a twin size bed up-top; I can only move so much… How did I get used to sleeping this way for 16 years?

I have no choice due to some circumstances.

When I get the chance, when I reach stability, I’ll save up enough to have my own space; my own little haven. It’s almost a rare opportunity for me to plop onto a comfy, cozy bed and drift off to sleep.

I’d love it. I can’t wait 🙂

——-

Picture: http://imgfave.com/view/4086519?u=94216

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/29/daily-prompt-jones/

 

An Unusual Mo(u)rning

This morning I woke up to silence. I share the bedroom with my parents. I was used to the sounds of the tv on every morning and the small talk between my parents. Everyone was gone…

IMAG0067I checked the time and saw that it was actually 9, not that late, but today just felt… different. I couldn’t describe the feeling. Something was just… off.

Every morning, I’d usually be greeted by the kitties and the pup. They would paw at my legs routinely, gesturing for attention. It didn’t happen this morning. I wondered where everyone went.

I found the pup. He was lazing around in the living room with my parents, who were watching tv and finishing up their breakfast. I glanced at one part of the room and saw one of the cats in the closet, grooming himself. Everything seemed normal. I prepared my usual black coffee, one of the three I had this morning, before retreating to the bedroom to check some emails. I finally found my other cat, napping.

I did a double-take because he was not napping at his usual spot. I know him so well. He hardly hid whenever he slept so I pulled away from my laptop to check on him. He was lying behind a mass of pillows, in a deep sleep. I didn’t disturb him, but I observed for a few minutes. It was very odd.

I left him for a bit… I thought, ‘Maybe he’s just very tired. He’s being a cat. Leave him be.’ Still, something bothered me about the fact he was hidden away so I checked on him again. I pet him, but he didn’t respond right away. He didn’t even lift his head; just opened his eyes slowly to glance at me.

Something was wrong.

Continue reading An Unusual Mo(u)rning

Feasible Acceptance

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Today I’m going to be working on my college applications. I’m still struggling over how I’m going to bring it up to my parents that I’m absolutely done… with nursing. I can’t stand the fact that I let it drag out for too long and convinced almost everyone that I’m going to end up becoming a nurse.

I hate that I did that.

I have to accept all the negative comments I’ll be receiving soon. I just don’t want to deal with it now. I know I should confront the issue, but I don’t want to be put down while I’m still in this dream-like state. I don’t know how long this will last, but I hope it doesn’t fade out before the year ends.

I’m scared because I don’t know what will become of this major I’m pursuing. I’m not too sure about becoming a teacher. I’m a bit reserved and it takes time for me to become comfortable. I don’t see myself working with kids because I was not raised around younger kids. I always associated with people my age. I’m not sure what it would be like working with middle schoolers or high schoolers either. I could imagine being a tutor or counselor of some sort, but again, that remains uncertain.

Although I’d love to become a writer, it leaves me with an unstable career because that would leave it up to my drive and motivation during the time to be able to create something pleasing to publish. I’d love to be a travel blogger. That would be a dream career for me, but money is an issue.

There’s so much I could partake in with an English degree, but I’ll have to wait and see where this will take me.

A lot of information runs through my mind everyday. I could probably write one-shots every single day because I’m an avid daydreamer. I have scenarios about everything that goes on in my life.

People think I don’t listen and space out, thinking about nothing. No.

I observe and take in my environment; music being my stimulant for creative juice. People don’t understand me. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this. I tend to talk about myself a lot or write about my interests. I feel that I do this because I always have to explain to others what I’m really about… I’m just that confusing to people.

Sometimes I have to write it out and read it over and over again to try to figure out who I am because whenever I’m asked about my interests, I start to clam up and forget. That’s just me. It stuns me every time I’m placed under the spotlight, where people are watching or judging me to hear what I have to say.

All of this helps me if I keep going at it. I used to write short paragraphs about who I was all about. I feel that I’m much more better at explaining who I am through writing. It’s a shame that I’m unable to express it verbally.

I’ve always had this impending feeling of doom whenever I got stared at; even though I tend to do that myself, upon others because I’m curious about my surroundings and the people I encounter.

Writing is healing. I truly believe the meaning of it. It feels good because everything I’ve ever thought about gets recorded, a sense of release. I let go of negativity this way.

I find that whenever I don’t write, I end up thinking about all this negativity and let it consume my thoughts, which leads to an unproductive day.

I want to explore and study abroad. To further creativity, you need to explore; not just sift through experiences, especially when you’re just cooped up at home. It helps to write freely in different environments, other than your usual spot at home.
Passion is strongest when you’re at ease.

—–

Very random post I did when I was using 750words.com. I had to omit some parts, but I did go over 750 words with this one. If you haven’t tried that site, you should as an exercise to get you going.

House Sitting at Nightfall

56d379844d5b5435252d757106106540 I remember a time when I couldn’t come along with my second family to Vegas. It was the middle of summer and everyone decided to take a break instead of taking summer semester. I had a lot of work to do.

Research papers, projects and statistics homework…

This picture I found was eerily similar to the living room during the day, when I was watching their house. I don’t like being alone in big houses. I don’t even know why I decided to do them the favor of house sitting for them while they were in Vegas. I thought, ‘Sure, why not? I could use the space and quiet to get my work done.’

I was sorely mistaken…

The house has an open layout and was once a duplex before the entire second floor burned in the fire. I’m not too familiar about the history of the house, but I know that a lot had happened before I met the family. The living room is almost exactly decorated in the same fashion. Their furnishings were of a Victorian style throughout their humble abode. There are windows along every side of the home, lined with gold drapery. It’s spacious, enough to do a couple back flips without worrying about hitting anything. In the dining room, which would be a little further behind under this chandelier, is a long dining table adorned with Victorian style chairs as well. From the dining room, it led to the kitchen then to the laundry room, outside of the home. The division of the house was obvious so the bathroom was on the other side of the hallway around the corner blocked by an archway; you would never be able to tell if someone is in there from a distance.  There’s a total of 7 bedrooms so I was used to hearing the sounds of the tv on all day and laughter. They’re a loud bunch.

Nightfall came all too quickly.

The silence scared me to death… I didn’t have my laptop charger with me so I was forced to shut it off. To top it off, my mind wandered for a bit while I was working on my research paper. For some reason, I subconsciously racked my brain, thinking up all these possible scenarios that could happen while I was house sitting. I was paranoid; turning to look back whenever there was a creak. I hate when it happens…

It didn’t ease me at all when the wind picked up and made the tree branches scratch some of the windows. It made the loose gate towards the back of the house bang against the wooden door a few times. Not long before 11pm, the wind gathered up enough strength to rattle the doorknob at the entrance. The dog was long gone by this time, hiding in her cubby and never came back out for the rest of the night. I didn’t go upstairs because the narrow hallway to get up there was unnerving. The light switches were inconveniently placed in the middle of the unlit hallway. The layout of the second floor is unsettling. If you look up the staircase, you would see bathroom. At the time, it was pitch black upstairs. Shadows wandered, or so I thought, but I tried my hardest to push that thought far behind me.

I slept in the middle of the living room with the lights of the chandelier on, buried under a fluffy blanket, using it as my shield to muffle the sounds of the night.

I swear to you… I thought that I was not going to make it out of the house by daybreak. My thoughts would not rest…

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/21/daily-prompt-safety-first/

Night Owls and their Coffee ~

Habits are hard to break, especially when it comes to coffee, my personal escape to heighten my senses. For many reasons, I consider myself to be a morning person; not by choice.

Los Angeles | Many know this city as a place of action. You can’t miss the traffic, aggressive drivers, the accidents, the sounds of the sirens blaring through small neighborhoods, the pounding of car speakers, hopped-up LA people (the chatter), etc. All this movement tends to happen most during the day, as early as 6AM some days.

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Most workplaces come alive during the day. It’s busy everywhere you turn; save for the gated communities and   some private estates. Once you’re done with high school, you’re given the option to take night classes or afternoon classes. Of course, as a freshman, I did not want to peel myself out of bed in the morning, due to lack of sleep, just to go to class. At 17, I wasn’t too fond of college at the time. I was given a set schedule and of course… I was handed a few morning classes. It was also during those years, coffee became my best buddy.

I made a habit of staying up late because I was hardly home. Forever wandering. 

Every morning, I made my coffee at ease to start off my day and did what I was supposed to, my daily routine. Every morning I also found myself drained of energy even after a cup of brew… or even two! I would manage to pull myself together anyway just to get through the day.

By the time the busiest part of the day was over, it was  late in the afternoon, when the sun was close to setting. Street lights would flicker on, the trail of flowing red lights because of the traffic would pick up, the decor from rather expensive-looking restaurants would be illuminated by a luster of lights, etc. There’s less noise and it’s much more relaxing.

Needless to say, I was always tired after class or work, but that never stopped me from roaming the city late at night.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/14/daily-prompt-local/

(The picture above isn’t Los Angeles. Chose it because it’s appealing to me. Credit to owner of image -> http://inspiredbythisfeeling.tumblr.com/)

Misconceptions of Me // Cloud 9