Feasible Acceptance

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Today I’m going to be working on my college applications. I’m still struggling over how I’m going to bring it up to my parents that I’m absolutely done… with nursing. I can’t stand the fact that I let it drag out for too long and convinced almost everyone that I’m going to end up becoming a nurse.

I hate that I did that.

I have to accept all the negative comments I’ll be receiving soon. I just don’t want to deal with it now. I know I should confront the issue, but I don’t want to be put down while I’m still in this dream-like state. I don’t know how long this will last, but I hope it doesn’t fade out before the year ends.

I’m scared because I don’t know what will become of this major I’m pursuing. I’m not too sure about becoming a teacher. I’m a bit reserved and it takes time for me to become comfortable. I don’t see myself working with kids because I was not raised around younger kids. I always associated with people my age. I’m not sure what it would be like working with middle schoolers or high schoolers either. I could imagine being a tutor or counselor of some sort, but again, that remains uncertain.

Although I’d love to become a writer, it leaves me with an unstable career because that would leave it up to my drive and motivation during the time to be able to create something pleasing to publish. I’d love to be a travel blogger. That would be a dream career for me, but money is an issue.

There’s so much I could partake in with an English degree, but I’ll have to wait and see where this will take me.

A lot of information runs through my mind everyday. I could probably write one-shots every single day because I’m an avid daydreamer. I have scenarios about everything that goes on in my life.

People think I don’t listen and space out, thinking about nothing. No.

I observe and take in my environment; music being my stimulant for creative juice. People don’t understand me. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this. I tend to talk about myself a lot or write about my interests. I feel that I do this because I always have to explain to others what I’m really about… I’m just that confusing to people.

Sometimes I have to write it out and read it over and over again to try to figure out who I am because whenever I’m asked about my interests, I start to clam up and forget. That’s just me. It stuns me every time I’m placed under the spotlight, where people are watching or judging me to hear what I have to say.

All of this helps me if I keep going at it. I used to write short paragraphs about who I was all about. I feel that I’m much more better at explaining who I am through writing. It’s a shame that I’m unable to express it verbally.

I’ve always had this impending feeling of doom whenever I got stared at; even though I tend to do that myself, upon others because I’m curious about my surroundings and the people I encounter.

Writing is healing. I truly believe the meaning of it. It feels good because everything I’ve ever thought about gets recorded, a sense of release. I let go of negativity this way.

I find that whenever I don’t write, I end up thinking about all this negativity and let it consume my thoughts, which leads to an unproductive day.

I want to explore and study abroad. To further creativity, you need to explore; not just sift through experiences, especially when you’re just cooped up at home. It helps to write freely in different environments, other than your usual spot at home.
Passion is strongest when you’re at ease.

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Very random post I did when I was using 750words.com. I had to omit some parts, but I did go over 750 words with this one. If you haven’t tried that site, you should as an exercise to get you going.

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House Sitting at Nightfall

56d379844d5b5435252d757106106540 I remember a time when I couldn’t come along with my second family to Vegas. It was the middle of summer and everyone decided to take a break instead of taking summer semester. I had a lot of work to do.

Research papers, projects and statistics homework…

This picture I found was eerily similar to the living room during the day, when I was watching their house. I don’t like being alone in big houses. I don’t even know why I decided to do them the favor of house sitting for them while they were in Vegas. I thought, ‘Sure, why not? I could use the space and quiet to get my work done.’

I was sorely mistaken…

The house has an open layout and was once a duplex before the entire second floor burned in the fire. I’m not too familiar about the history of the house, but I know that a lot had happened before I met the family. The living room is almost exactly decorated in the same fashion. Their furnishings were of a Victorian style throughout their humble abode. There are windows along every side of the home, lined with gold drapery. It’s spacious, enough to do a couple back flips without worrying about hitting anything. In the dining room, which would be a little further behind under this chandelier, is a long dining table adorned with Victorian style chairs as well. From the dining room, it led to the kitchen then to the laundry room, outside of the home. The division of the house was obvious so the bathroom was on the other side of the hallway around the corner blocked by an archway; you would never be able to tell if someone is in there from a distance.  There’s a total of 7 bedrooms so I was used to hearing the sounds of the tv on all day and laughter. They’re a loud bunch.

Nightfall came all too quickly.

The silence scared me to death… I didn’t have my laptop charger with me so I was forced to shut it off. To top it off, my mind wandered for a bit while I was working on my research paper. For some reason, I subconsciously racked my brain, thinking up all these possible scenarios that could happen while I was house sitting. I was paranoid; turning to look back whenever there was a creak. I hate when it happens…

It didn’t ease me at all when the wind picked up and made the tree branches scratch some of the windows. It made the loose gate towards the back of the house bang against the wooden door a few times. Not long before 11pm, the wind gathered up enough strength to rattle the doorknob at the entrance. The dog was long gone by this time, hiding in her cubby and never came back out for the rest of the night. I didn’t go upstairs because the narrow hallway to get up there was unnerving. The light switches were inconveniently placed in the middle of the unlit hallway. The layout of the second floor is unsettling. If you look up the staircase, you would see bathroom. At the time, it was pitch black upstairs. Shadows wandered, or so I thought, but I tried my hardest to push that thought far behind me.

I slept in the middle of the living room with the lights of the chandelier on, buried under a fluffy blanket, using it as my shield to muffle the sounds of the night.

I swear to you… I thought that I was not going to make it out of the house by daybreak. My thoughts would not rest…

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/21/daily-prompt-safety-first/

Night Owls and their Coffee ~

Habits are hard to break, especially when it comes to coffee, my personal escape to heighten my senses. For many reasons, I consider myself to be a morning person; not by choice.

Los Angeles | Many know this city as a place of action. You can’t miss the traffic, aggressive drivers, the accidents, the sounds of the sirens blaring through small neighborhoods, the pounding of car speakers, hopped-up LA people (the chatter), etc. All this movement tends to happen most during the day, as early as 6AM some days.

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Most workplaces come alive during the day. It’s busy everywhere you turn; save for the gated communities and   some private estates. Once you’re done with high school, you’re given the option to take night classes or afternoon classes. Of course, as a freshman, I did not want to peel myself out of bed in the morning, due to lack of sleep, just to go to class. At 17, I wasn’t too fond of college at the time. I was given a set schedule and of course… I was handed a few morning classes. It was also during those years, coffee became my best buddy.

I made a habit of staying up late because I was hardly home. Forever wandering. 

Every morning, I made my coffee at ease to start off my day and did what I was supposed to, my daily routine. Every morning I also found myself drained of energy even after a cup of brew… or even two! I would manage to pull myself together anyway just to get through the day.

By the time the busiest part of the day was over, it was  late in the afternoon, when the sun was close to setting. Street lights would flicker on, the trail of flowing red lights because of the traffic would pick up, the decor from rather expensive-looking restaurants would be illuminated by a luster of lights, etc. There’s less noise and it’s much more relaxing.

Needless to say, I was always tired after class or work, but that never stopped me from roaming the city late at night.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/14/daily-prompt-local/

(The picture above isn’t Los Angeles. Chose it because it’s appealing to me. Credit to owner of image -> http://inspiredbythisfeeling.tumblr.com/)

In case you’re w(a)ndering…

Instead of going out to celebrate my birthday, I decided to sit here and write a birthday post about this topic, a treat for me. The name of the entry just reeled me in and I just couldn’t help it…

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I found this picture while browsing through Pinterest not long ago. I actually have this as my wallpaper on my laptop. I remember writing my ‘About Me’ page last week, stating briefly about my desire to travel. I’ve dreamed of many places I’ve always wanted to experience. The mere thought of visiting is just not enough to satiate my longing to travel outside of places I’m familiar with.

Although people I’m familiar with hardly see me in one place, I’ve amazingly only been to Seattle, WA and Las Vegas, NV. Being born and raised in Los Angeles, my close relatives didn’t really feel the need to leave the city as much except for the annual trip to Seattle. It was a trip from Point A to Point B; nothing in between. The fine line between those two points were just that, long-drawn-out and static. Don’t take this the wrong way. I have no complaints about the company I was with, whenever we went to Vegas or Seattle. There were a great deal of memories with them; both good and bad. No regrets.

But… I never got the chance to wander. I’m naturally curious so it always irked me whenever there was a curfew to follow or whenever everyone else was too tired to continue walking. Those years are long gone.

As of today, I’m 23. I have much more free time. The word, wanderlust, has been lingering through since the day I got my car. The first thing I thought of was planning a road trip with a few friends, very few. Although I enjoy company, I feel restricted at times because not everyone has the same energy, the same desire to travel, the same excitement, or fervent curiosity. This is where I notice the differences most with my group of friends. 

I have a collage of places posted on my wall, places I’ve never been and places I’ve always dreamed of. I don’t just want a road trip… I want to fly out to different countries as well when I get the chance. Some friends have told me that I was being a little ridiculous, but I’m planning to get a passport within the next two years to have that as my motivation.

I’ve been told that I’m too young and that I’m too much of a dreamer, but I don’t agree. I don’t see anything wrong with being young and endeavoring those dreams.

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/13/daily-prompt-travels-2/

 

 

Fearless Fridays! [01]

Interview - Success!

This morning I slept at 2AM. It didn’t hit me until I felt my leg start to cramp up (from sitting on it too long) that I realized I had a lot planned out for the rest of the day. I spent most of yesterday night just listening to music and visiting other blogs to satiate my curiosity with great writing. Too wordy for a casual post ?

Anyways, everything I had planned for the rest of the morning and afternoon was work/school-related; a reason for me to get out of my “comfy” bed and get some sunlight for a change.

Why is this a Fearless Friday post?

Here’s why:

  1. Interview with a hiring manager
  2. 3 hour review with my old instructor to take the certification exam on 11.22
  3. Talk to my supervisor about my temporary leave due to work at the hospital

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I’ll admit I was not a nervous wreck this time, but I was still unsure of myself because I didn’t prepare for the interview. I was dressed for the part and had my portfolio ready, but that’s all I brought along with me. I didn’t know what to expect from the interview. I had this thought racing through my mind the whole time while I was waiting for my turn that I’d do well; even though I had nothing scripted to say like I usually would.

When my name was finally called, I jumped right up and strutted behind her, totally aware of the fact that my heels were the echoing through the hallway. I noticed all the stares, but didn’t let it phase me. If  there just so happened to be some acquaintances near by, they wouldn’t have recognized me. I’m almost sure of it. I don’t know where this random rush of confidence came from, but it felt really good.

Not long after the interview, I had a review to attend with an instructor I haven’t seen since the beginning of this year. I’m not sure if she remembered me because I wasn’t in scrubs this time. I remember her strict rules and her intimidating stares whenever she lectured class. I pretty sat through the grueling hours of it, trying to focus.

I was starving because I didn’t have my lunch prepared. I was not prepared for this day at all! (Yes, I’m completely aware that it’s my fault.)

By the time it was over, I had to rush over to the west side of the city before closing time at the office to talk to my supervisor. Since she was pressed for time, it didn’t take long at all. Quick nods and a simple “Okay, that’s fine sweetie,” was all I got.

This day didn’t turn out as bad as I thought it would. My other paranoid self, which I managed to push behind me, would’ve been a mess by the end of the day.

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LOL

Ok so I know that this fearless friday was extreme in certain ways that some wouldn’t understand.

I promise to have a variety of fearless fridays to come.

I hope I can commit to these prompts 🙂

 

 

BLACK

JC Bride ~

Black is:

The color of my coffee every morning

The color of my hair, my crowning glory

The color of my eyes, the window to my soul

The color of my sorrow, whenever I’m alone

 

 black

 

 

 

 

 

 

Black is:

The color of the night, when dark thoughts are summoned

The color of dirt in my hand, as I crawl my way forth

The color of my shadow, to remind me of the light

The color of all colors, the shade of all shades

~

Daily Prompt: Intense!

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When my mind wanders…

Yesterday, I read something inspiring. I’m the type that likes to search for the meaning of life; to find my purpose. We’re all different. We keep telling each other that no one’s the same. I never looked into it, just accepted and ignored this saying. I moved on with my life, hearing “we’re all different” constantly. People keep telling me I’m different. I’m odd; just a bit off-beat in a tune.

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