I love cozy; I’m in dire need of it. I can’t stress that enough especially because of the course of events I’ve experienced this year.
Luxury doesn’t have to be expensive. I’m blessed to have everything I need to live. These ‘things’ that I say I want, can wait… I don’t need them. Not now.
It’s 6AM in the morning, the time I wake up almost every single day. (I have a tendency to wake up before the sun rises) After shutting off my alarm, I usually wait for another 5 minutes before peeling the covers off to get up. Before I make my way down the top bunk, I sit up-top, overlooking the tiny bedroom I’ve lived in since elementary school. It’s been a very long time.
I always start my day with a coffee and check my email before heading out to run my errands, go to class, or work.
I’m busy all the time. I’m not sure if it’s just the amount of things I think about or the amount of things I do throughout day. Either way, I’m constantly engaged in something. My day comes to a close around sundown. By this time, I’m beat.
If it’s not the noise of living in the city, it’s the running or fast-pace walking I’m used to. This year it was rare for me to leisurely walk through the malls or the beach. I’m always in a rush, moving from place-place. ‘I’m running out of time!’ It’s a reminder I warn myself, usually around lunch time. Why do I do this? I don’t know. A lot has changed since the beginning of this year. I’m hardly at ease.
It totals up to 12 hours of being awake, whether I’m here at home or not.
The tension dissipates when the city gets quiet, when my neighbors stop yelling, when the kids go indoors…
I don’t sleep right away when I get here. I either eat or become totally engrossed with my laptop to catch up on news or replenish my energy with upbeat music, as if I need it.
I’m a night owl. I’m used to functioning well in these hours. I just can’t fall asleep no matter how tired I am. As of right now, it’s 1230AM of Sunday! I lost track of time again.
I finally figured out why… it’s simple and clear.
I’m not comfortable. I’ve never been. I’m awake during the day because I have to, but I’m always drowsy. At night, my energy picks up, but not as much.
It’s the bed I come home to, to unwind and take a breather, from this lifestyle… It’s all worn out. I sink into some areas of it, embracing me uncomfortably. It’s a twin size bed up-top; I can only move so much… How did I get used to sleeping this way for 16 years?
I have no choice due to some circumstances.
When I get the chance, when I reach stability, I’ll save up enough to have my own space; my own little haven. It’s almost a rare opportunity for me to plop onto a comfy, cozy bed and drift off to sleep.
I’d love it. I can’t wait 🙂