Crave for Cozy

I love cozy; I’m in dire need of it. I can’t stress that enough especially because of the course of events I’ve experienced this year.

Luxury doesn’t have to be expensive. I’m blessed to have everything I need to live. These ‘things’ that I say I want, can wait… I don’t need them. Not now.

c490f9fdb421d90852ff5fcffb258383 I was not born into a rich family. I never got to experience that kind of luxury. I actually consider comfort a luxury. Why?

It’s 6AM in the morning, the time I wake up almost every single day. (I have a tendency to wake up before the sun rises) After shutting off my alarm, I usually wait for another 5 minutes before peeling the covers off to get up. Before I make my way down the top bunk, I sit up-top, overlooking the tiny bedroom I’ve lived in since elementary school. It’s been a very long time.

I always start my day with a coffee and check my email before heading out to run my errands, go to class, or work.

I’m busy all the time. I’m not sure if it’s just the amount of things I think about or the amount of things I do throughout day. Either way, I’m constantly engaged in something. My day comes to a close around sundown. By this time, I’m beat.

If it’s not the noise of living in the city, it’s the running or fast-pace walking I’m used to. This year it was rare for me to leisurely walk through the malls or the beach. I’m always in a rush, moving from place-place. ‘I’m running out of time!’ It’s a reminder I warn myself, usually around lunch time. Why do I do this? I don’t know. A lot has changed since the beginning of this year. I’m hardly at ease.

It totals up to 12 hours of being awake, whether I’m here at home or not.

The tension dissipates when the city gets quiet, when my neighbors stop yelling, when the kids go indoors…

I don’t sleep right away when I get here. I either eat or become totally engrossed with my laptop to catch up on news or replenish my energy with upbeat music, as if I need it.

I’m a night owl. I’m used to functioning well in these hours. I just can’t fall asleep no matter how tired I am. As of right now, it’s 1230AM of Sunday! I lost track of time again.

I finally figured out why… it’s simple and clear.

I’m not comfortable. I’ve never been. I’m awake during the day because I have to, but I’m always drowsy. At night, my energy picks up, but not as much.

It’s the bed I come home to, to unwind and take a breather, from this lifestyle… It’s all worn out. I sink into some areas of it, embracing me uncomfortably. It’s a twin size bed up-top; I can only move so much… How did I get used to sleeping this way for 16 years?

I have no choice due to some circumstances.

When I get the chance, when I reach stability, I’ll save up enough to have my own space; my own little haven. It’s almost a rare opportunity for me to plop onto a comfy, cozy bed and drift off to sleep.

I’d love it. I can’t wait 🙂





An Unusual Mo(u)rning

This morning I woke up to silence. I share the bedroom with my parents. I was used to the sounds of the tv on every morning and the small talk between my parents. Everyone was gone…

IMAG0067I checked the time and saw that it was actually 9, not that late, but today just felt… different. I couldn’t describe the feeling. Something was just… off.

Every morning, I’d usually be greeted by the kitties and the pup. They would paw at my legs routinely, gesturing for attention. It didn’t happen this morning. I wondered where everyone went.

I found the pup. He was lazing around in the living room with my parents, who were watching tv and finishing up their breakfast. I glanced at one part of the room and saw one of the cats in the closet, grooming himself. Everything seemed normal. I prepared my usual black coffee, one of the three I had this morning, before retreating to the bedroom to check some emails. I finally found my other cat, napping.

I did a double-take because he was not napping at his usual spot. I know him so well. He hardly hid whenever he slept so I pulled away from my laptop to check on him. He was lying behind a mass of pillows, in a deep sleep. I didn’t disturb him, but I observed for a few minutes. It was very odd.

I left him for a bit… I thought, ‘Maybe he’s just very tired. He’s being a cat. Leave him be.’ Still, something bothered me about the fact he was hidden away so I checked on him again. I pet him, but he didn’t respond right away. He didn’t even lift his head; just opened his eyes slowly to glance at me.

Something was wrong.

Continue reading

House Sitting at Nightfall

56d379844d5b5435252d757106106540 I remember a time when I couldn’t come along with my second family to Vegas. It was the middle of summer and everyone decided to take a break instead of taking summer semester. I had a lot of work to do.

Research papers, projects and statistics homework…

This picture I found was eerily similar to the living room during the day, when I was watching their house. I don’t like being alone in big houses. I don’t even know why I decided to do them the favor of house sitting for them while they were in Vegas. I thought, ‘Sure, why not? I could use the space and quiet to get my work done.’

I was sorely mistaken…

The house has an open layout and was once a duplex before the entire second floor burned in the fire. I’m not too familiar about the history of the house, but I know that a lot had happened before I met the family. The living room is almost exactly decorated in the same fashion. Their furnishings were of a Victorian style throughout their humble abode. There are windows along every side of the home, lined with gold drapery. It’s spacious, enough to do a couple back flips without worrying about hitting anything. In the dining room, which would be a little further behind under this chandelier, is a long dining table adorned with Victorian style chairs as well. From the dining room, it led to the kitchen then to the laundry room, outside of the home. The division of the house was obvious so the bathroom was on the other side of the hallway around the corner blocked by an archway; you would never be able to tell if someone is in there from a distance.  There’s a total of 7 bedrooms so I was used to hearing the sounds of the tv on all day and laughter. They’re a loud bunch.

Nightfall came all too quickly.

The silence scared me to death… I didn’t have my laptop charger with me so I was forced to shut it off. To top it off, my mind wandered for a bit while I was working on my research paper. For some reason, I subconsciously racked my brain, thinking up all these possible scenarios that could happen while I was house sitting. I was paranoid; turning to look back whenever there was a creak. I hate when it happens…

It didn’t ease me at all when the wind picked up and made the tree branches scratch some of the windows. It made the loose gate towards the back of the house bang against the wooden door a few times. Not long before 11pm, the wind gathered up enough strength to rattle the doorknob at the entrance. The dog was long gone by this time, hiding in her cubby and never came back out for the rest of the night. I didn’t go upstairs because the narrow hallway to get up there was unnerving. The light switches were inconveniently placed in the middle of the unlit hallway. The layout of the second floor is unsettling. If you look up the staircase, you would see bathroom. At the time, it was pitch black upstairs. Shadows wandered, or so I thought, but I tried my hardest to push that thought far behind me.

I slept in the middle of the living room with the lights of the chandelier on, buried under a fluffy blanket, using it as my shield to muffle the sounds of the night.

I swear to you… I thought that I was not going to make it out of the house by daybreak. My thoughts would not rest…

Night Owls and their Coffee ~

Habits are hard to break, especially when it comes to coffee, my personal escape to heighten my senses. For many reasons, I consider myself to be a morning person; not by choice.

Los Angeles | Many know this city as a place of action. You can’t miss the traffic, aggressive drivers, the accidents, the sounds of the sirens blaring through small neighborhoods, the pounding of car speakers, hopped-up LA people (the chatter), etc. All this movement tends to happen most during the day, as early as 6AM some days.


Most workplaces come alive during the day. It’s busy everywhere you turn; save for the gated communities and   some private estates. Once you’re done with high school, you’re given the option to take night classes or afternoon classes. Of course, as a freshman, I did not want to peel myself out of bed in the morning, due to lack of sleep, just to go to class. At 17, I wasn’t too fond of college at the time. I was given a set schedule and of course… I was handed a few morning classes. It was also during those years, coffee became my best buddy.

I made a habit of staying up late because I was hardly home. Forever wandering. 

Every morning, I made my coffee at ease to start off my day and did what I was supposed to, my daily routine. Every morning I also found myself drained of energy even after a cup of brew… or even two! I would manage to pull myself together anyway just to get through the day.

By the time the busiest part of the day was over, it was  late in the afternoon, when the sun was close to setting. Street lights would flicker on, the trail of flowing red lights because of the traffic would pick up, the decor from rather expensive-looking restaurants would be illuminated by a luster of lights, etc. There’s less noise and it’s much more relaxing.

Needless to say, I was always tired after class or work, but that never stopped me from roaming the city late at night.

(The picture above isn’t Los Angeles. Chose it because it’s appealing to me. Credit to owner of image ->

In case you’re w(a)ndering…

Instead of going out to celebrate my birthday, I decided to sit here and write a birthday post about this topic, a treat for me. The name of the entry just reeled me in and I just couldn’t help it…



I found this picture while browsing through Pinterest not long ago. I actually have this as my wallpaper on my laptop. I remember writing my ‘About Me’ page last week, stating briefly about my desire to travel. I’ve dreamed of many places I’ve always wanted to experience. The mere thought of visiting is just not enough to satiate my longing to travel outside of places I’m familiar with.

Although people I’m familiar with hardly see me in one place, I’ve amazingly only been to Seattle, WA and Las Vegas, NV. Being born and raised in Los Angeles, my close relatives didn’t really feel the need to leave the city as much except for the annual trip to Seattle. It was a trip from Point A to Point B; nothing in between. The fine line between those two points were just that, long-drawn-out and static. Don’t take this the wrong way. I have no complaints about the company I was with, whenever we went to Vegas or Seattle. There were a great deal of memories with them; both good and bad. No regrets.

But… I never got the chance to wander. I’m naturally curious so it always irked me whenever there was a curfew to follow or whenever everyone else was too tired to continue walking. Those years are long gone.

As of today, I’m 23. I have much more free time. The word, wanderlust, has been lingering through since the day I got my car. The first thing I thought of was planning a road trip with a few friends, very few. Although I enjoy company, I feel restricted at times because not everyone has the same energy, the same desire to travel, the same excitement, or fervent curiosity. This is where I notice the differences most with my group of friends. 

I have a collage of places posted on my wall, places I’ve never been and places I’ve always dreamed of. I don’t just want a road trip… I want to fly out to different countries as well when I get the chance. Some friends have told me that I was being a little ridiculous, but I’m planning to get a passport within the next two years to have that as my motivation.

I’ve been told that I’m too young and that I’m too much of a dreamer, but I don’t agree. I don’t see anything wrong with being young and endeavoring those dreams.



Fearless Fridays! [01]

Interview - Success!

This morning I slept at 2AM. It didn’t hit me until I felt my leg start to cramp up (from sitting on it too long) that I realized I had a lot planned out for the rest of the day. I spent most of yesterday night just listening to music and visiting other blogs to satiate my curiosity with great writing. Too wordy for a casual post ?

Anyways, everything I had planned for the rest of the morning and afternoon was work/school-related; a reason for me to get out of my “comfy” bed and get some sunlight for a change.

Why is this a Fearless Friday post?

Here’s why:

  1. Interview with a hiring manager
  2. 3 hour review with my old instructor to take the certification exam on 11.22
  3. Talk to my supervisor about my temporary leave due to work at the hospital


I’ll admit I was not a nervous wreck this time, but I was still unsure of myself because I didn’t prepare for the interview. I was dressed for the part and had my portfolio ready, but that’s all I brought along with me. I didn’t know what to expect from the interview. I had this thought racing through my mind the whole time while I was waiting for my turn that I’d do well; even though I had nothing scripted to say like I usually would.

When my name was finally called, I jumped right up and strutted behind her, totally aware of the fact that my heels were the echoing through the hallway. I noticed all the stares, but didn’t let it phase me. If  there just so happened to be some acquaintances near by, they wouldn’t have recognized me. I’m almost sure of it. I don’t know where this random rush of confidence came from, but it felt really good.

Not long after the interview, I had a review to attend with an instructor I haven’t seen since the beginning of this year. I’m not sure if she remembered me because I wasn’t in scrubs this time. I remember her strict rules and her intimidating stares whenever she lectured class. I pretty sat through the grueling hours of it, trying to focus.

I was starving because I didn’t have my lunch prepared. I was not prepared for this day at all! (Yes, I’m completely aware that it’s my fault.)

By the time it was over, I had to rush over to the west side of the city before closing time at the office to talk to my supervisor. Since she was pressed for time, it didn’t take long at all. Quick nods and a simple “Okay, that’s fine sweetie,” was all I got.

This day didn’t turn out as bad as I thought it would. My other paranoid self, which I managed to push behind me, would’ve been a mess by the end of the day.



Ok so I know that this fearless friday was extreme in certain ways that some wouldn’t understand.

I promise to have a variety of fearless fridays to come.

I hope I can commit to these prompts 🙂