Crave for Cozy

I love cozy; I’m in dire need of it. I can’t stress that enough especially because of the course of events I’ve experienced this year.

Luxury doesn’t have to be expensive. I’m blessed to have everything I need to live. These ‘things’ that I say I want, can wait… I don’t need them. Not now.

c490f9fdb421d90852ff5fcffb258383 I was not born into a rich family. I never got to experience that kind of luxury. I actually consider comfort a luxury. Why?

It’s 6AM in the morning, the time I wake up almost every single day. (I have a tendency to wake up before the sun rises) After shutting off my alarm, I usually wait for another 5 minutes before peeling the covers off to get up. Before I make my way down the top bunk, I sit up-top, overlooking the tiny bedroom I’ve lived in since elementary school. It’s been a very long time.

I always start my day with a coffee and check my email before heading out to run my errands, go to class, or work.

I’m busy all the time. I’m not sure if it’s just the amount of things I think about or the amount of things I do throughout day. Either way, I’m constantly engaged in something. My day comes to a close around sundown. By this time, I’m beat.

If it’s not the noise of living in the city, it’s the running or fast-pace walking I’m used to. This year it was rare for me to leisurely walk through the malls or the beach. I’m always in a rush, moving from place-place. ‘I’m running out of time!’ It’s a reminder I warn myself, usually around lunch time. Why do I do this? I don’t know. A lot has changed since the beginning of this year. I’m hardly at ease.

It totals up to 12 hours of being awake, whether I’m here at home or not.

The tension dissipates when the city gets quiet, when my neighbors stop yelling, when the kids go indoors…

I don’t sleep right away when I get here. I either eat or become totally engrossed with my laptop to catch up on news or replenish my energy with upbeat music, as if I need it.

I’m a night owl. I’m used to functioning well in these hours. I just can’t fall asleep no matter how tired I am. As of right now, it’s 1230AM of Sunday! I lost track of time again.

I finally figured out why… it’s simple and clear.

I’m not comfortable. I’ve never been. I’m awake during the day because I have to, but I’m always drowsy. At night, my energy picks up, but not as much.

It’s the bed I come home to, to unwind and take a breather, from this lifestyle… It’s all worn out. I sink into some areas of it, embracing me uncomfortably. It’s a twin size bed up-top; I can only move so much… How did I get used to sleeping this way for 16 years?

I have no choice due to some circumstances.

When I get the chance, when I reach stability, I’ll save up enough to have my own space; my own little haven. It’s almost a rare opportunity for me to plop onto a comfy, cozy bed and drift off to sleep.

I’d love it. I can’t wait 🙂




House Sitting at Nightfall

56d379844d5b5435252d757106106540 I remember a time when I couldn’t come along with my second family to Vegas. It was the middle of summer and everyone decided to take a break instead of taking summer semester. I had a lot of work to do.

Research papers, projects and statistics homework…

This picture I found was eerily similar to the living room during the day, when I was watching their house. I don’t like being alone in big houses. I don’t even know why I decided to do them the favor of house sitting for them while they were in Vegas. I thought, ‘Sure, why not? I could use the space and quiet to get my work done.’

I was sorely mistaken…

The house has an open layout and was once a duplex before the entire second floor burned in the fire. I’m not too familiar about the history of the house, but I know that a lot had happened before I met the family. The living room is almost exactly decorated in the same fashion. Their furnishings were of a Victorian style throughout their humble abode. There are windows along every side of the home, lined with gold drapery. It’s spacious, enough to do a couple back flips without worrying about hitting anything. In the dining room, which would be a little further behind under this chandelier, is a long dining table adorned with Victorian style chairs as well. From the dining room, it led to the kitchen then to the laundry room, outside of the home. The division of the house was obvious so the bathroom was on the other side of the hallway around the corner blocked by an archway; you would never be able to tell if someone is in there from a distance.  There’s a total of 7 bedrooms so I was used to hearing the sounds of the tv on all day and laughter. They’re a loud bunch.

Nightfall came all too quickly.

The silence scared me to death… I didn’t have my laptop charger with me so I was forced to shut it off. To top it off, my mind wandered for a bit while I was working on my research paper. For some reason, I subconsciously racked my brain, thinking up all these possible scenarios that could happen while I was house sitting. I was paranoid; turning to look back whenever there was a creak. I hate when it happens…

It didn’t ease me at all when the wind picked up and made the tree branches scratch some of the windows. It made the loose gate towards the back of the house bang against the wooden door a few times. Not long before 11pm, the wind gathered up enough strength to rattle the doorknob at the entrance. The dog was long gone by this time, hiding in her cubby and never came back out for the rest of the night. I didn’t go upstairs because the narrow hallway to get up there was unnerving. The light switches were inconveniently placed in the middle of the unlit hallway. The layout of the second floor is unsettling. If you look up the staircase, you would see bathroom. At the time, it was pitch black upstairs. Shadows wandered, or so I thought, but I tried my hardest to push that thought far behind me.

I slept in the middle of the living room with the lights of the chandelier on, buried under a fluffy blanket, using it as my shield to muffle the sounds of the night.

I swear to you… I thought that I was not going to make it out of the house by daybreak. My thoughts would not rest…