A Bug in the Air!

I’ve been sick since mid-December with mild congestion. All this time, I’ve just been resting, keeping warm, eating soups, taking a higher dose of my vitamins, etc. I was doing everything to keep me from visiting a doctor. I remember sleeping right through the new year because I was heavily medicated – my symptoms worsened a bit. Again, I still thought that I could handle these symptoms.

It was around this time when I started reading about the deaths that have been occurring due to the flu. I was scared… I have such a weak immune system. I still kept at it. I developed a strong productive cough, moderate congestion, body aches, and headaches.

I remember it happened on a Wednesday, I woke up extremely groggy. Feeling hot with a bad headache. My whole body hurt. I needed to get up to get ready for my fire class. Part of my morning routine was to get my coffee – I need coffee before I do anything to start my day. Not even halfway through my drink, I sat down for a long time, thinking about how “off” I felt. My head felt heavy and I was really struggling with my breathing. I checked my pulse and got a reading of 124 bpm (I was just sitting and I barely had any coffee!) I took an extra strength Tylenol and seriously just waited… waited for it to kick in. I sat for nearly an hour before getting ready.

Why of all times didn’t we have a thermometer? I went straight to CVS and bought all kinds of things, called my boyfriend to keep him informed, and checked my temp as soon as I got in my car. I was at 103.7 F!

I was extremely troubled. I have a new job – not just any job, it’s for the county. Me, being the anxious wreck that I am, I didn’t want to just not show up to this mandatory class. So, I went, but I swear to you, I slept for most of it. We had a test and left early.

Just awful. I was thankful for having a day off the next day. The next 4 days were a struggle, especially at work. Fever went away on Saturday, checked at different times throughout the day. I kept thinking it’s finally over!

On the 14th, I noticed I felt a little warm again – checked my temperature and read 99.7. What… is going on?

Next day, I woke up with some blockage in my throat. As soon as I got up, I felt this extreme pain when I tried to swallow. For some reason I was salivating excessively so I kept swallowing or spitting. Both ways hurt like hell. I went to Kaiser not long after. I was seen in less than 10 minutes! At the end of this visit, I ended up with advice and Ibuprofen 600 mg -____- Of course. So I took the med right away and it was pretty effective, but I still had to deal with this insane discomfort in my throat for the rest of the day. I had soup once and that was it, all day.

Next day, I went to work. Not important. It was horrible. I came home crying to my mom and told her I might have to go back to the hospital again. I told her I was afraid of dying. It hurt so bad, I had only one meal again. Soup and water with my meds. Checked my temperature again, 101.7. Time for bed.

I did not go to work today. I ended up at Kaiser again. I cried on the way, telling my boyfriend that I was extremely frustrated with myself. It was such an awful feeling. My tonsil was so swollen, it occluded part of my airway. It hurt to cough, swallow, and spit. I had cough fits that would make me almost-vomit. I told this new doctor every thing I was going through and what I was doing routinely… how it got worse in a span of 2 days. I was diagnosed with something else. Peritonsillar Abscess. This is basically a collection of pus that spreads beyond your tonsils – a rare complication of tonsillitis or strep throat…

I was immediately hooked up to an IV – Rocephin, Dexamethasone, and NaCl for roughly 3 hours. I was very dehydrated by this point. No food in my body. As soon as I felt that cold rush of liquid in my body, I fell asleep. I’ve never been this sick in my life! I’ve never been hooked to an IV – ever. I was so stubborn and did not take what I was experiencing in the beginning seriously…

I’m finally home, eating normally. I can’t even begin to thank this doctor.

Feasible Acceptance


Today I’m going to be working on my college applications. I’m still struggling over how I’m going to bring it up to my parents that I’m absolutely done… with nursing. I can’t stand the fact that I let it drag out for too long and convinced almost everyone that I’m going to end up becoming a nurse.

I hate that I did that.

I have to accept all the negative comments I’ll be receiving soon. I just don’t want to deal with it now. I know I should confront the issue, but I don’t want to be put down while I’m still in this dream-like state. I don’t know how long this will last, but I hope it doesn’t fade out before the year ends.

I’m scared because I don’t know what will become of this major I’m pursuing. I’m not too sure about becoming a teacher. I’m a bit reserved and it takes time for me to become comfortable. I don’t see myself working with kids because I was not raised around younger kids. I always associated with people my age. I’m not sure what it would be like working with middle schoolers or high schoolers either. I could imagine being a tutor or counselor of some sort, but again, that remains uncertain.

Although I’d love to become a writer, it leaves me with an unstable career because that would leave it up to my drive and motivation during the time to be able to create something pleasing to publish. I’d love to be a travel blogger. That would be a dream career for me, but money is an issue.

There’s so much I could partake in with an English degree, but I’ll have to wait and see where this will take me.

A lot of information runs through my mind everyday. I could probably write one-shots every single day because I’m an avid daydreamer. I have scenarios about everything that goes on in my life.

People think I don’t listen and space out, thinking about nothing. No.

I observe and take in my environment; music being my stimulant for creative juice. People don’t understand me. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this. I tend to talk about myself a lot or write about my interests. I feel that I do this because I always have to explain to others what I’m really about… I’m just that confusing to people.

Sometimes I have to write it out and read it over and over again to try to figure out who I am because whenever I’m asked about my interests, I start to clam up and forget. That’s just me. It stuns me every time I’m placed under the spotlight, where people are watching or judging me to hear what I have to say.

All of this helps me if I keep going at it. I used to write short paragraphs about who I was all about. I feel that I’m much more better at explaining who I am through writing. It’s a shame that I’m unable to express it verbally.

I’ve always had this impending feeling of doom whenever I got stared at; even though I tend to do that myself, upon others because I’m curious about my surroundings and the people I encounter.

Writing is healing. I truly believe the meaning of it. It feels good because everything I’ve ever thought about gets recorded, a sense of release. I let go of negativity this way.

I find that whenever I don’t write, I end up thinking about all this negativity and let it consume my thoughts, which leads to an unproductive day.

I want to explore and study abroad. To further creativity, you need to explore; not just sift through experiences, especially when you’re just cooped up at home. It helps to write freely in different environments, other than your usual spot at home.
Passion is strongest when you’re at ease.


Very random post I did when I was using 750words.com. I had to omit some parts, but I did go over 750 words with this one. If you haven’t tried that site, you should as an exercise to get you going.

In case you’re w(a)ndering…

Instead of going out to celebrate my birthday, I decided to sit here and write a birthday post about this topic, a treat for me. The name of the entry just reeled me in and I just couldn’t help it…



I found this picture while browsing through Pinterest not long ago. I actually have this as my wallpaper on my laptop. I remember writing my ‘About Me’ page last week, stating briefly about my desire to travel. I’ve dreamed of many places I’ve always wanted to experience. The mere thought of visiting is just not enough to satiate my longing to travel outside of places I’m familiar with.

Although people I’m familiar with hardly see me in one place, I’ve amazingly only been to Seattle, WA and Las Vegas, NV. Being born and raised in Los Angeles, my close relatives didn’t really feel the need to leave the city as much except for the annual trip to Seattle. It was a trip from Point A to Point B; nothing in between. The fine line between those two points were just that, long-drawn-out and static. Don’t take this the wrong way. I have no complaints about the company I was with, whenever we went to Vegas or Seattle. There were a great deal of memories with them; both good and bad. No regrets.

But… I never got the chance to wander. I’m naturally curious so it always irked me whenever there was a curfew to follow or whenever everyone else was too tired to continue walking. Those years are long gone.

As of today, I’m 23. I have much more free time. The word, wanderlust, has been lingering through since the day I got my car. The first thing I thought of was planning a road trip with a few friends, very few. Although I enjoy company, I feel restricted at times because not everyone has the same energy, the same desire to travel, the same excitement, or fervent curiosity. This is where I notice the differences most with my group of friends. 

I have a collage of places posted on my wall, places I’ve never been and places I’ve always dreamed of. I don’t just want a road trip… I want to fly out to different countries as well when I get the chance. Some friends have told me that I was being a little ridiculous, but I’m planning to get a passport within the next two years to have that as my motivation.

I’ve been told that I’m too young and that I’m too much of a dreamer, but I don’t agree. I don’t see anything wrong with being young and endeavoring those dreams.





When my mind wanders…

Yesterday, I read something inspiring. I’m the type that likes to search for the meaning of life; to find my purpose. We’re all different. We keep telling each other that no one’s the same. I never looked into it, just accepted and ignored this saying. I moved on with my life, hearing “we’re all different” constantly. People keep telling me I’m different. I’m odd; just a bit off-beat in a tune.


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